would you buy my book?

My workspace this morning, in a fit of inspiration fueled by caffeine

On the flight home from NYC a while back I was delighted to read Mindy Kaling’s book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and other concerns)”

Let me first say: I LOVE THAT BOOK AND WILL TRY TO MAKE ALL OF YOU READ IT AT SOME POINT SOON.

You know the lyrics: strumming my pain with his fingers... singing my life with his words...

Well, this book is (in a less melancholy manner, and with no killing [of the soft or loud varieties]) a joyous revelation of expression of the most amazing thoughts I wish I’d had. By the end, I decided a few things:

1. some day, Mindy Kaling and I will be friends
2. good books (and I mean truly good books, not the best sellers you can pick up in the grocery store check out line) are tragically undervalued in our society
3. i want to write a book.

concerning #3, you are likely thinking something along the lines of the following possibilities:

duh, AMC, we’ve talked about this before  or

p’scuse me?    or even

oh no, this blog is bad enough, ok? yikes.

to crowd A, I say: NO I’M REALLY SERIOUS THIS TIME

to crowd B, I say: can you NOT? I mean. it could work, right? 

to crowd C, I say: okokokokokok. I know I should be practicing, or cleaning my house, or exercising or something instead, but bear with me.

I may not be funny as Mindy or Tina Fey, or as pointlessly famous as Bristol Palin, but what I do have in my arsenal is a ridiculously overactive imagination...which I frequently indulge.

When my car stereo was busted in high school, so what? I can be my own radio station!

When preparing for a job interview (or important life conversation, or presentation), no problem- I will practice interview myself in the car and ask far more terrifying and salient questions so that the real interview feels like a walk in the park!  (I’m surprisingly good at this. seriously)

AND, when exceedingly bored I may even have been known to write my own episode of a favorite TV show, that a friend, who has a degree in film, told me “wasn’t even that bad” (Jeff didn’t say that, but he probably should have) after i shoved it in his (and everyone else around me) face. 

did i mention i’m an exceedingly fast typer?  that’s got to count for something.

My writing isn’t terrible, which is more than can be said about LOTS of authors, I even landed a part time writing gig*...that I have proceeded to ignore entirely. OOOOOPS.

I’m thinking that I’ll play to my strengths and write tour de force of daydreaming. Something light-hearted and nonsensical that people will buy at the airport, chuckle over whilst drinking ginger ale and eating peanuts on the plane and then casually leave in the back seat of their car for a few months until Marshall points out that they should really clean their car. (Not everyone does this? oh.)

My book, title to be determined at a different time, will be a collection of incredibly short stories about my imagined adventures with celebrity friends.  (right?!) 

Not wanting to reveal my hand, but eager to convince you that I’m not insane, here is an example:

Brunch with Meryl Streep

This would totally happen on a rainy Saturday morning in March, when it’s still a little brisk in the morning, but the humidity promises that by mid afternoon the whole city will feel like a sauna.  We would meet at some new trendy bistro named Les moustiques violet, or something equally as international and obscure. 

There would be french pressed coffee from some place exotic like Kuala Lumpur, and Endive Salad (i don’t even know what that means, but there would have to be endive) as well as beet/arugula/kale juice with a hint of spice. 

You get the idea, we would be the envy of everyone else at that bistro..except it would be a total neighborhood gem that only the locals know about, so there wouldn’t be anyone else there. yeah.

You get the idea.

If this book idea fails, I will revert back to my previous plan: determine the up-and-coming mythical creature, and write a twilightesque series where an impossible romance gives hope to a community, spurs a multi-movie franchise, and remains utterly and completely asinine. 

NB: I’ve never read Twilight, but this is my understanding of its contribution to society

** After quitting my job, I applied for a job writing for an online periodical. Somehow, I got it. Then I forgot about it. If anyone from that publication is reading this.... I will get on that ASAP.**