the state of my TV watching

Sometimes, technology provides mankind with the tools to make marvelous leaps forwards.  It can also, alternatively, provide the means of squandering hours of time, and possibly, regression into lazy-spend-everyday-like-a-kid-on-summer-vacation-mode.

in my case, the recollection that i had a netflix account has proven almost as detrimental to my productivity levels as discovering AIM in middle school.

(AIM was a revelation at that age....until you kept the phone lines busy [dial up? heck yes] and your parents missed important phone calls and your internet usage was drastically curbed.  whoops.)

as a result, my TV show exposure has grown exponentially in the last few months, and can be roughly categorized as follows:

Shows I've Started Watching Against My Better Judgement

1. Downton Abbey
Let me just say that this show is mega addictive.  Under the innocent guises of PBS programming and British aristocracy, it lures you into its complex story lines and remarkably well developed characters until you find yourself vehemently devoted to the cause of Bates, and subversive romance of the upstart driver and youngest Crawley daughter. NOT TO MENTION MARY AND MATTHEW.  AAAAAAH.

2. Game of Thrones
If you know me, you probably knew this would happen.  HBO is the evil laboratory of addictive television, and this show does not disappoint.  (Understatement of the century).  This show is so ridiculously awesome that I was compelled to read ALL FOUR BOOKS that were available to me during the hiatus of production.  That's approximately 3000+ pages in around 3 weeks.

at last, those academic UIL chops are paying off. score.

on a related note.  WINTER IS COMING.

3. Celebrity Ghost Stories
Ok ok, you absolutely can and should judge me here. I like ghost stories, too much, and hearing washed up and/or obscure celebrities recount nights of terror accompanied by terrible reenactments is truly a gem of a guilty pleasure.  Plus, sometimes, someone truly fantastic (see: Loretta Lynn, Matthew Gray Gubler, Fred Willard, to name a few)  will make tell a fascinating story that makes it totally worth listening to Harry Hamlin blabber on about how a ghost kept Fed Ex from delivering an important package on time. (seriously, I couldn't have made that up if i tried)

4. The Borgias
You are allowed to judge me a little for this.  But I will counter all of your judgements with this simple fact: Jeremy Irons is magic.  Anything involving Jeremy Irons at least gets a chance with me.  Jeremy Irons as a corrupt and powerful patriarch of "the original crime family?"  COME ON, it's like they put Scar in fancy robes and let him run amuk in renaissance Rome.

Yes, that was a Lion King reference.

5. The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret
This is not for the faint of heart.  David Cross and Will Arnett are geniuses of comedy.... but this show is so agonizingly awkward and ridiculous that I spent most of the time watching it with white knuckles and fists clenching saying "please no, don't do that, oh no oh no, why why why" in between bursts of laughter.

6. Grimm
Remember how I like ghosts?  Really I like all things creepy crawly and/or supernatural.  (Deal with it).  Grimm's Fairy Tales retold in 20th century settings with X-files worthy cinematography (see: dark and foresty) = perfection.

Shows I've Stopped Watching
1. Grimm
That didn't last long.  I mean, there are some charming characters, and cleverly reworked fables here... but there are also complicated subplots that are not too compelling, and it comes on Friday nights.  Not helping.  Give it time, I'll probably come back to this via Netflix the next time I'm sick.

2. NCIS: LA
Why did I even start watching this show?

3. Mad Men
My attention span has gotten too short for this season.  I watched a few episodes.  Not feeling it right now, maybe if they added ghosts, or white-walkers or something.  (kidding. [kind of])

4. Criminal Minds
This is just self preservation.  I live alone, and this show utilizes the "all-single-women-living-alone-will-be-murdered" plot line every other week or so.  Not helping my sleep schedule.

Show Everyone Yells At Me To Watch
1. Modern Family
I GET IT. Sorry!  Don't even start with me, I know that I'm the worst person in America because I haven't started watching this yet, and have only the vaguest idea who Sofia Vergara is, but I will get there and then you can stop hating me.

2. Breaking Bad
I still am not sure how this is going to be awesome, but pretty much everyone around me talks about it, so I'll check it out.

3. Portlandia
I will watch it, and I will put birds on all the things.

Shows I Still Have ZERO Interest In.... Ever
Ice Road Anything

Kardashian Shenanigans

Glee (sorry everyone)

2 Broke Girls/Two and a Half Men/Cougar Town/Laugh Tracks in general, actually

America's Got Talent/American Idol/Dancing with the "Stars"

America's Funniest Home Videos

Grey's Anatomy and it's thousands of spin offs

would you buy my book?

My workspace this morning, in a fit of inspiration fueled by caffeine

On the flight home from NYC a while back I was delighted to read Mindy Kaling’s book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and other concerns)”

Let me first say: I LOVE THAT BOOK AND WILL TRY TO MAKE ALL OF YOU READ IT AT SOME POINT SOON.

You know the lyrics: strumming my pain with his fingers... singing my life with his words...

Well, this book is (in a less melancholy manner, and with no killing [of the soft or loud varieties]) a joyous revelation of expression of the most amazing thoughts I wish I’d had. By the end, I decided a few things:

1. some day, Mindy Kaling and I will be friends
2. good books (and I mean truly good books, not the best sellers you can pick up in the grocery store check out line) are tragically undervalued in our society
3. i want to write a book.

concerning #3, you are likely thinking something along the lines of the following possibilities:

duh, AMC, we’ve talked about this before  or

p’scuse me?    or even

oh no, this blog is bad enough, ok? yikes.

to crowd A, I say: NO I’M REALLY SERIOUS THIS TIME

to crowd B, I say: can you NOT? I mean. it could work, right? 

to crowd C, I say: okokokokokok. I know I should be practicing, or cleaning my house, or exercising or something instead, but bear with me.

I may not be funny as Mindy or Tina Fey, or as pointlessly famous as Bristol Palin, but what I do have in my arsenal is a ridiculously overactive imagination...which I frequently indulge.

When my car stereo was busted in high school, so what? I can be my own radio station!

When preparing for a job interview (or important life conversation, or presentation), no problem- I will practice interview myself in the car and ask far more terrifying and salient questions so that the real interview feels like a walk in the park!  (I’m surprisingly good at this. seriously)

AND, when exceedingly bored I may even have been known to write my own episode of a favorite TV show, that a friend, who has a degree in film, told me “wasn’t even that bad” (Jeff didn’t say that, but he probably should have) after i shoved it in his (and everyone else around me) face. 

did i mention i’m an exceedingly fast typer?  that’s got to count for something.

My writing isn’t terrible, which is more than can be said about LOTS of authors, I even landed a part time writing gig*...that I have proceeded to ignore entirely. OOOOOPS.

I’m thinking that I’ll play to my strengths and write tour de force of daydreaming. Something light-hearted and nonsensical that people will buy at the airport, chuckle over whilst drinking ginger ale and eating peanuts on the plane and then casually leave in the back seat of their car for a few months until Marshall points out that they should really clean their car. (Not everyone does this? oh.)

My book, title to be determined at a different time, will be a collection of incredibly short stories about my imagined adventures with celebrity friends.  (right?!) 

Not wanting to reveal my hand, but eager to convince you that I’m not insane, here is an example:

Brunch with Meryl Streep

This would totally happen on a rainy Saturday morning in March, when it’s still a little brisk in the morning, but the humidity promises that by mid afternoon the whole city will feel like a sauna.  We would meet at some new trendy bistro named Les moustiques violet, or something equally as international and obscure. 

There would be french pressed coffee from some place exotic like Kuala Lumpur, and Endive Salad (i don’t even know what that means, but there would have to be endive) as well as beet/arugula/kale juice with a hint of spice. 

You get the idea, we would be the envy of everyone else at that bistro..except it would be a total neighborhood gem that only the locals know about, so there wouldn’t be anyone else there. yeah.

You get the idea.

If this book idea fails, I will revert back to my previous plan: determine the up-and-coming mythical creature, and write a twilightesque series where an impossible romance gives hope to a community, spurs a multi-movie franchise, and remains utterly and completely asinine. 

NB: I’ve never read Twilight, but this is my understanding of its contribution to society

** After quitting my job, I applied for a job writing for an online periodical. Somehow, I got it. Then I forgot about it. If anyone from that publication is reading this.... I will get on that ASAP.**

MOM I'M UPDATING MY BLOG

ok. what follows is a post that should have occurred around 02/18/12.  I just found it on my desktop, and since my mother pointed out that I am woefully behind in updating, I thought I'd post it anyways.

at this point, i was in the height of DMA audition insanity... please bear that in mind and judge accordingly.  also, i will update slightly more relevant things SOON.

It turns out that "Southern Hospitality" is actually, well, important to me.  If Chicago seemed slightly brusque, the Northeast seems downright aggressive.   People in New Haven love honking their horns.  It’s an art form, a commentary on someone’s driving speed, or lane changing.  Or perhaps it’s just a cry out to the universe, who knows?  

Not me, that’s for sure.  Driving in New Haven has been quite the adventure.  It turns out that “lanes” are merely decorative, speed limits are hypothetical, and pedestrians are completely fearless.  

Since I’ve been here, I’ve seen at least 5 accidents (there isn’t any ice or condensation on the roads, for the record), a dozen police cars racing down the road, a few ambulances, and more pedestrian-driver confrontations than I would have imagined. 

Apparently, there are also different definitions of “complimentary” between the north and south.  When I saw that my hotel offered “Complimentary Guest Parking,” I naively assumed that meant it would be free.   Oh, no.  Definitely not free.  $20 a day, as it turns out. SIGH.

I was also flatly informed that the “Hotel Restaurant” was in fact a snack bar,  as if there was nothing unusual in advertising a full service eating establishment and providing instead a broken vending machine, fritos and pop tarts.

Ok. I didn’t hate New Haven quite as much as it sounds, it just turned out that everything in my carefully planned trip fell completely apart at this point, when I had absolutely no patience for it.

Let’s back up:

New Haven has the tiniest airport I’ve ever seen.  If you’ve seen an episode of Wings, you should be equipped to grasp this.  THERE IS ONE GATE.  They unload your luggage on the tarmac and you take it, personally from the baggage people.  It’s adorable, and they take it VERY seriously.

When I failed to immediately snatch my bags from them, it became a “security issue” and they confiscated them.  “Unattended luggage is a serious issue, Ma’am.”  YES. This was not unattended, it was unreachable in the 30 second time frame I had.  

Semantics.

On to better times:

48 hours in an impromptu sorority

the ever delightful anna parks luce offered me a warm bed/airmattress/couch as i journeyed from New Haven to Baltimore for my flight back to the ATX.  Delightfully, a few other friends of anna’s were also staying with her: Heather, Karen, and Sarah Claire. 

I drove down from New Haven on Wednesday morning.  I spent quality time on the New Jersey turnpike (even less exciting than it sounds), drove on the George Washington Bridge, and in total covered the following states in my journey:  Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Maryland.  (with Anna’s help, Virginia would be rapidly added).

Fans of HIMYM will be pleased to know that DOWISTREPLA exists, or at last, a vast portion of the NJ Turnpike smells like it is in such a place. gross.

I also had the opportunity to drive in a bay tunnel...which was as claustrophobic and unpleasant as I had always imagined.  I am impressed by the engineering, don’t misunderstand, but I will choose to be impressed from above the weight of a harbor bearing down on a man made tunnel from henceforth.

*possible exception, the Chunnel (english channel tunnel).  JUST COOL*

I digress.  Back to travels:

First, let me just say: ANNA’S APARTMENT IS AMAZING, PER ALWAYS.  This girl has a keen eye for decor, let me tell you.   Not only is the place tremendously styled, it feels exactly like the home of my favorite Luce family should.  

Also, Zoe was there.  This dog defies laws of cuteness, and isn’t an ambi-turner.  

Having all of us in the apt felt like a glorious, rapidly assembled sorority of awesome people, and I had an absolute blast.   There is nothing better than spending time with a dear friend, and, in this case, getting to know new ones!

We savored delectable treats like Bubble Tea, hint-of-brown bananas, hint-of-green bananas, retirement center food, hot tea, peanut butter dipped in chocolate, and Elevation Burger- which is pretty much amazing.

Also, because of these ladies I’ve started watching Downton Abbey.  HELP.

I also had the opportunity to check out Ars Nova, the awesome conductor-less orchestra that features Anna as concertmaster.  So proud of that girl.  Karen and Heather were playing as well, so I was the only person not working that evening.

Post-concert we ventured into downtown DC and to the bar RFD for a quick night-cap/pre Sarah Claire/celebration beverage.  My drink of choice was Framboise...it was on tap, which is just impossible to refuse. 

It was a truly fantastic conclusion to my traveling escapades.  

Well... almost conclusion.   I was scheduled to leave BWI at 3:35 pm.  Everything seemed perfect until we were taxi-ing to the runway, and were informed we’d be delayed at least an hour due to crazy psycho weather in the south.  Those weren’t US Airway’s official words for the situation, but it was strongly inferred.

We were, however, offered complimentary alcohol beverages to assuage our irritability.  Hooray.   I currently sit in Charlotte, curious that my flight appears to be leaving an hour later than my boarding pass indicates...yet this is not expected to effect our anticipated arrival time.

Dear Marshall, 

If you are reading this and I am wrong about that, I apologize.  Truly.

I’ve had some wonderful experiences on these travels, but I am definitely ready to be coming home and not live out of a suitcase any longer.